Faulty Wiring
by Veleria
Summary: Pure dialog, just to see if I could do it. Doctor who and SG1 crossover. SG1 has stumbled upon an unlocked TARDIS. Now with less typo's.


**A/N: So, I'm a bit nervous about this one. I am going to have to ask you, my dear readers, to use your imagination at bit. Since there is no description**** so**** you will have to picture where the characters are, and what they're doing. My challenge is making it easy for you. If I fail (an absolute possibility) I have taken the liberty of adding some of my very own, very cheesy, humour. If nothing else, you might get a good laugh right? And please review, please. I am dying to know what you think. Our story begins in the control room of the Doctors TARDIS:**

**Disclaimer: I claim no rights on Doctor Who, or Stargate SG1. Nor do I claim any money.**

**Faulty Wiring**

By Veleria

Jack: "Carter, any idea what the bicyklepump does?"

Sam: "Er... No idea Sir, no."

Daniel: "I found a phone."

Jack: "You what? On an alien... whatever this is?"

Daniel: "It might be human though, a lot of this stuff looks like it could be from earth."

Sam: "I doubt it; this technology is _way _beyond us."

Daniel: "What are you doing Jack?"

Jack: "I'm checking to see if the phone works."

Daniel: "I don't think that's..."

Jack: "Hey! It's ringing."

Daniel: "Really?"

Jack: "Hello General, guess what we found... How'd you guess Sir?"

Sam: "How is that possible? Sir can I see that?... Hello General... Yes it appears so Sir... Yes Sir, sorry Sir I have to hang up now... Yes, goodbye Sir."

Daniel: "Are these post-it's?"

Sam: "Oh yeah, I was just about to tell you. I think they might be coordinates or something."

Daniel: "Might be, but to where? And besides, post-it's?"

Jack: "What's so wierd about that?"

Daniel: "Jack, this is an alien text, when have we ever found an alien text on a post-it?"

Jack: "Yeah well there's a first for everything... I suppose."

Daniel: "If you say so. But I doubt I'll be able to translate it anytime soon. I've never seen anything like it."

Sam: "Please try Daniel, I could really use an instruction manual for this."

Daniel: "Where's Teal'c by the way? Checking the place can't take this long."

Jack: "Teal'c come in please."

Teal'c: "I am here O'Neill."

Jack: "What's the hold up?"

Teal'c: "This place is much larger than first assumed Colonel O'Neill."

Jack: "How big is it?"

Teal'c: "I have counted sixteen rooms so far."

Jack: "Sixteen? Well I'll be damned."

Teal'c: "I also believe we have made a mistake."

Sam: "How so?"

Teal'c: "I suspect this to be inhabited; there is an unmade bed and several personal items."

Daniel: "You mean we stole someones house?"

Jack: "Easy Danny. Teal'c come back up, the least we can do is leave his stuff alone. 'Till the N.I.D. comes."

Sam: "Whoa!"

Daniel: "Sam! You alright?"

Sam: "Yeah, I just got zapped, this wiring is a mess. I'll be surprised if this thing can handle more than keeping the lights on."

Jack: "So it's broken?"

Sam: "Don't know Sir, it might be. The only way to tell for sure is turning it on, but since we don't know what it does exactly..."

Jack: "I get the point Captain. Ah Teal'c how good of you to join the party."

Teal'c: "I see no celebration, have you discovered its pourpose?"

Jack: "No I meant..."

Daniel: "Er... Sam did you do something?"

Sam: "No I doubt it, why?"

Daniel: "Well, it's sort of... moving."

Sam: "What?"

Daniel: "The pillar thing, it's moving."

Jack: "Captain what's going on?"

Sam: "I don't know Sir!"

Jack: "Hang on!"

Daniel: "Whoa!"

Sam: "Ow..."

Daniel: "It stopped."

Jack: "Well that was a smooth ride, what happened?"

Sam: "I... I think we moved Sir."

Jack: "You figured that out all by yourself?"

Sam: "Very funny, no I mean look at the screen."

Daniel: "Wait, this shows the outside right?"

Sam: "Yes, and not ten seconds ago, we were at the SGC."

Jack: "Where are we now?"

Sam: "I think... it's P3X-972 Sir."

Jack: "But that's were we found this thing."

Daniel: "It's more than that Jack; this is exactly the place where we found this thing."

Sam: "You're right, look that's the big rock you said looked like Cher."

Jack: "So it is. And I'm guessing that's the owner then?"

Sam: "Oh no."

Daniel: "Do we really want to get caught in here?"

Jack: "What do you suggest we do? Hide under the bed?"

Teal'c: "It would be wise not to touch anything."

Jack: "Right, Danny put the post-it back and get in position."

Daniel: "Coming."

Jack: "Ok, deep breath, stay calm and think like a teenager."

Daniel: "Huh?"

Jack: "Lie like crazy."

Daniel: "Oh right... Wait I don't think that's..."

Doctor: "...where did you get off too? Oh hello..."

Daniel: "Hi, I'm..."

Doctor: "Did I forget to lock the door?"

Jack: "Yeah kinda."

Doctor: "Typical, the one time I forget to lock up it happens to be found by the nosiest race in the universe."

Daniel: "About that..."

Doctor: "Did you touch anything? Move please."

Daniel: "Sorry, what?"

Doctor: "Did you touch anything?!"

Jack: "I uh, borrowed your phone."

Doctor: "Don't you army-types have radios for that?"

Daniel: "Yeah, we're really sorry about that, we just wanted to see if it worked."

Doctor: "Worked? Of course it works! This is a spaceship, if nothing else the phone ought to work."

Daniel: "Of course how silly of me."

Doctor: "Who are you by the way?"

Daniel: "Yes sorry, I'm Daniel Jackson; this is Colonel O'Neill, Samantha Carter and Teal'c."

Doctor: "Nice to meet you, sort of. I'm The Doctor."

Jack: "Just 'the Doctor'?"

Doctor: "Yes, is that a problem?"

Jack: "I guess not."

Doctor: "Now, did you press anything? Touch the wiring? Pulled any levers, please tell me you didn't pull anything?"

Teal'c: "We have pulled nothing."

Sam: "We only touched the phone."

Doctor: "Hold on, you mean to tell me that you stole a spaceship, _my _spaceship, and the only thing with any interest to you is my phone?"

Sam: "Er..."

Doctor: "That never happened before."

Daniel: "Well I was wondering about these notes..."

Doctor: "So the whole 'bigger on the inside' thing didn't faze you at all then?"

Sam: "Well..."

Doctor: "Or the weird power signatures, 'cause I know you scanned. It says so right here."

Sam: "Actually..."

Doctor: "Or travelling from one end of the galaxy to the other, in the blink of an eye?"

Jack: "We're kinda used to that..."

Doctor: "Maybe I should polish her up a little bit... Who touched my wires?!"

Jack: "Look Doctor, or whatever your name is, we're sorry we took your spaceship, and we'll help you fix any damage you find."

Sam: "We really thought it was abandoned."

Doctor: "Am I supposed to believe that?"

Jack: "Usually when you own a spaceship, you tend to remember locking up when you leave."

Doctor: "As if you've never forgot to lock your car."

Jack: "My car maybe, but I'm pretty sure I'd remember my spaceship."

Daniel: "Wait back up; you know what a car is?"

Doctor: "Of course I do, don't be silly. Do you know you nearly crossed the temporal circuit with the huon containment access?"

Sam: "No is that bad?"

Doctor: "Catastrophic is more like it; you could've flooded the temporal circuit with huon energy. The poor girl would have had indigestion for a month, not to mention the explosions."

Jack: "What girl?"

Doctor: "The TARDIS. Blimey you're a slow one."

Jack: "Gee thanks."

Daniel: "Is that what you call the ship?"

Doctor: "Yep, now where are you from?"

Sam: "Why do you want to know that?"

Doctor: "I'm going to take you home, I gather it's somewhere on earth?"

Daniel: "How did you know that?"

Doctor: "The colourful American flag on your not so colourful uniform gives it away a little bit."

Sam: "You've been to earth then?"

Doctor: "Of course, it's one of my favourites and the only place to invent the banana split."

Jack: "Carter."

Sam: "Yes Sir?"

Jack: "Did you slip any drugs in my coffee this morning?"

Sam: "I don't think so Sir."

Jack: "Oh well hope is fleeting."

Doctor: "So, address please."

Daniel: "We can just go through the stargate."

Doctor: "No I can't stand gate travel, disintegration makes me queasy."

Jack: "And who says you're coming?"

Doctor: "I am, if you get to poke about in my home then I get to poke around yours, seems like a fair trade to me."

Daniel: "It kind of does Jack, and besides another look at this ship is worth the risk."

Jack: "Carter?"

Sam: "I agree with Daniel Sir, this is too good to pass up."

Teal'c: "And he has been very gracious considering our trespassing."

Doctor: "And thievery, don't forget that!"

Jack: "Alright! Alright, it's in NORAD under Cheyenne Mountain."

Doctor: "Really? Why'd you put it there? Could you hold that blue button for me?"

Daniel: "This one?"

Doctor: "No to the left."

Daniel: "Oh I see it."

Sam: "We just thought it'd be safer that way."

Doctor: "What bring the whole mountain crashing down if anything should come through?"

Jack: "Pretty much."

Doctor: "Not much of a survival instinct."

Jack: "Yeah that reminds me, we should probably warn them before we go."

Doctor: "Too late for that now, hold on tight!"

Sam: "What? Ouf!"

Daniel: "Is it supposed to be this... bumpy?"

Doctor: "How else would I know if I was moving?"

Jack: "Yes Daniel, what a stupid question to ask."

Sam: "Ow!"

Doctor: "Right! Here we are then, NORAD, Cheyenne Mountain."

Teal'c: "Are you in need of assistance Captain Carter?"

Sam: "Thanks Teal'c, that's the second time I've landed on my butt today."

Hammond: "Colonel come in, are you all right?"

Jack: "Yeah we're here General, we're fine."

Doctor: "See, why didn't you just use that? It works fine."

Hammond: "What happened, you just disappeared?"

Doctor: "That would be me; it's a safety measure in case I forget where I parked her. Quite handy it seems."

Hammond: "Who is that Colonel?"

Jack: "That's the Doctor, he owns this... spaceship, and he was kind enough to offer us a ride home."

Hammond: "I was under the impression that the device was abandoned?"

Jack: "Yeah, whops?"

Doctor: "I should probably dust more... or at all."

Hammond: "I am very sorry for causing you any worry Doctor, is there anything I can do to apologise?"

Doctor: "Well... I was hoping for a tour if you don't mind, I promise not to touch anything. Except the phones."

Hammond: "What do you mean?"

Jack: "Sir just trust me on this; don't ask."

_The end._

**Rember now, review please. Thank you.**


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